Becoming a big sister or brother: how to prepare your toddler
"Am I still your baby?" A new baby changes everything for a toddler, and they often feel it before they can say it. This page is a practical plan for the older child: what to say under 2, at 2, 3 and 4 to 5, what to do in the months before the birth, the day you come home, the first weeks, going backwards for a while, visitors and gifts, and a list of sentences you can borrow. Looking for stories to read together? See our picture books for a new baby sibling.
This page is run by Amor Picture Books (Nova Group), publisher of the Amor picture books by Samaher Thabit and Martin Törnell.
When to tell them
Toddlers have a weak sense of time, so months of waiting can feel endless. Pregnancy, Birth and Baby, the Australian government health service, suggests telling a toddler later in the pregnancy, when they can already see the bump (Pregnancy, Birth and Baby). Older children often notice earlier, so if they ask, tell them the truth in simple words.
By age: what to say and what helps
Under 2
A child under 2 will not understand much yet, but they pick up your tone. UNICEF suggests talking about the baby with enthusiasm, using the baby's name if you have chosen one, reading stories about becoming a big brother or sister, and pretend play with a baby of their own to care for (UNICEF).
- Say the name often: "Soon baby Sam will live here too."
- Give them a doll or soft toy baby to feed, rock and put to bed.
- Keep it light and short. A few words a day is enough at this age.
Around 2
- Use the words they will hear: baby, brother, sister. "There is a baby growing in my tummy."
- Link the time to something they know: "The baby will come when it is warm outside."
- Show, do not explain. Point out babies in the park and say what they do: sleep, cry, drink milk.
- Expect little interest. A 2 year old may say "baby" and run off to play. That is fine.
Around 3
- Be honest about what babies can do: "The baby will be very small. It will cry and sleep a lot, and it cannot play yet."
- Say clearly that their place is safe: "You will always be our girl. We will love you just as much."
- Give choices that feel big: the colour of the baby's hat, which song to sing to the bump.
- Plan for the birth together: "When the baby comes, Granny will pick you up from nursery."
Around 4 to 5
- Invite questions and listen before you explain: "What do you think the baby will be like?"
- Talk about mixed feelings out loud: "Lots of big sisters feel happy and cross at the same time. Both are OK."
- Give a real role that suits them, like choosing a book to read to the baby or helping to pack the hospital bag.
- Keep their world going. Friends, nursery and their own plans matter as much as before.
Before the birth
- 1
Make big changes early
A new bed, a new room or starting nursery is easier a few months before the baby. UNICEF suggests making big changes, like a new room or a new bed, before the baby comes (UNICEF). Say it is because they are growing, not because the baby needs their cot.
- 2
Look at their own baby photos
"This was you, the day we came home." Toddlers love their own story, and it shows they were once that small and loved.
- 3
Meet real babies
A friend with a newborn shows how small, sleepy and loud a baby really is, which helps a toddler who expects a playmate.
- 4
Practise gentle hands with a doll
Zero to Three suggests using a doll or soft toy to show gentle touch and what is too rough for a baby.
- 5
Plan who looks after them
Tell your child who will be with them during the birth, and let them meet that person at home first if they can.
The day you come home
- Let someone else carry the baby in, so your arms are free for a hug with your older child first.
- Introduce them by name: "This is your baby brother. He has been waiting to meet you."
- If they want to hold the baby, sit them on the floor or a sofa and support the baby with them. Pregnancy, Birth and Baby suggests showing them how to stroke the baby gently with an open palm (Pregnancy, Birth and Baby).
- Never leave a toddler alone with the baby, even for a moment. A toddler may share food the baby could choke on, or rock the pram until it tips (Pregnancy, Birth and Baby). Nationwide Children's Hospital gives the same advice (Nationwide Children's).
- Keep the first visits short. A tired toddler and a tired newborn in one room is a lot for everyone.
The first weeks
- 1
Name the feeling
"It is hard when I am feeding the baby and you want me. You can be cross about that."
- 2
Keep ten minutes just for them
Every day, one short time without the baby, with your phone away. Call it something, like "our time".
- 3
Offer a job, but do not insist
Fetching a nappy or choosing the baby's socks can feel great. If they say no, that is fine too.
- 4
Talk to the baby about them
"Look, your big sister is building a tower." Toddlers listen, and they hear that they matter.
- 5
Keep their routines
Same bedtime, same story, same nursery days where you can. Routines tell a toddler that their world still works.
- 6
Say yes to feelings, no to hurting
"You can be angry. You cannot hit the baby. Let's stamp our feet together instead."
Zero to Three, a US early childhood charity, notes that many older children have mixed feelings once the baby is real, and that pressure to love the baby can make it harder (Zero to Three). Jealousy can also show up as tantrums. The NHS lists jealousy as one reason a toddler may have a tantrum (NHS).
Going backwards for a while
Many toddlers act younger after a new baby arrives: toilet accidents, baby talk, wanting a bottle or to be carried. The American Academy of Pediatrics says this is normal and is the child's way of making sure they still have your love and attention (HealthyChildren.org).
- Respond to the need, not the behaviour. A cuddle or a bottle of water, "like the baby", often loses its appeal quickly.
- Do not scold accidents. Clean up calmly and carry on.
- Notice the grown-up moments: "You put your shoes on all by yourself."
- If you are worried about a change that does not pass, talk to your health visitor or GP.
Visitors and gifts
- Ask visitors to say hello to the older child first. Zero to Three suggests reminding family and friends who visit the baby to take time to talk and play with your older child too (Zero to Three).
- Keep a small basket of wrapped "big sibling" gifts by the door for visitors who only bring something for the baby.
- A "gift from the baby" works best if it is something to do while you feed: a sticker book, new crayons or a book to look at next to you.
- Take photos of the older child too, and let them show the baby to visitors if they want to.
- Say no to long visits in the first weeks if your toddler is struggling. Their routine matters more.
Sentences you can borrow
- "You will always be my first baby."
- "The baby is too small to play now. When she is bigger, you can teach her."
- "I need to feed the baby. Do you want to sit with me and choose a book?"
- "You can be cross. You cannot hit. Let's stamp our feet instead."
- "Look, he is watching you. He likes it when you sing."
- "It is OK to wish the baby would go back. Lots of big brothers feel that."
- "When the baby sleeps, it is our time."
- "You were this small once. Shall we look at your photos?"
- "Thank you for being gentle. Your hand was so soft."
- "I missed you today. Tell me about your day."
- "Babies cry because they cannot talk yet. You used to cry too."
- "You do not have to help. You can play here near us."
Is it different for a big brother?
The steps are the same. Use the words your child uses: big sister, big brother or big sibling. What matters most is that the older child hears, often, that their place in the family is safe.
Sources
Checked 2 November 2026: HealthyChildren.org (American Academy of Pediatrics): Preparing your family for a new baby; Zero to Three: How to help older siblings adjust to the new baby; Pregnancy, Birth and Baby: Toddler and the new baby; NHS: Temper tantrums; UNICEF Parenting: How to prepare your child for a new sibling; Nationwide Children's Hospital: Sibling rivalry. This page is general parent help, not medical advice.
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Questions parents ask
When should I tell my toddler about the new baby?
Many families wait until later in the pregnancy, when the bump shows, because toddlers have a weak sense of time. If an older child asks earlier, tell them the truth in simple words.
How do I prepare my 2 year old for a new baby?
Use simple words, link the timing to a season, meet real babies, practise gentle hands with a doll, and make big changes like a new bed a few months before the birth.
Is it normal for a toddler to regress after a new baby?
Yes. Toilet accidents, baby talk or wanting a bottle are common. Respond calmly, give extra attention and praise grown-up moments.
Can I leave my toddler alone with the new baby?
No. Never leave a toddler alone with the baby, even for a moment. Toddlers may share food or rock the pram, so stay in the room or take one of them with you.
What should visitors do for the big sibling?
Say hello to the older child first, spend a little time with them, and if they bring a gift for the baby, a small one for the big sibling helps too.
What is a good gift from the baby to a big sister or brother?
Something to do while you feed the baby, like a sticker book, new crayons or a book to look at next to you.